After the birth of my third son, I had officially clinched the title of “Boy Mom” and there was no turning back.
As a mom of boys I entered a world of uncharted territory. Boys have energy and humor that is completely foreign to my own biological make-up. I question every day what forces in the universe conspired to give me these animals, but somehow I am managing to keep them alive.
So, are you wondering if you have what it takes to become a boy mom? Take a look at some qualities that you will need.
15 Ways You Know You Are a Boy Mom
- You have a bucket in your house designated just for toy weapons and it is called the “Weapons Bucket.”
- You have a permanent bottle of disinfectant wipes sitting on your toilet ready to clean up all the missed targets. But come on! The toilet bowl is a HUGE target. How do they miss it 90% of the time? For this reason, your bathroom will always smell like urine no matter how much you clean.
- Trash day becomes the highlight of your week because for five glorious minutes you can drink your coffee in peace while your toddler smears his nose across your clean window just to get a glimpse of that wondrous giant.
- You cringe at the very thought of the giant Lego box spilling over.
- You have a spot in the yard called the “pee spot.” And you will learn that you need to hose this “pee spot” off once in a while. I learned this lesson the hard way.
- Everything, I mean EVERYTHING, can and will become a gun. When my oldest was 3, he pulled the cheese slice out of his sandwich, took a bite from the corner, and turned to me and said, “Look, momma, a cheese gun.” This still makes me uncomfortable.
- You get excited at the sight of a lizard in your yard or on a walk, just knowing how much joy it will bring to your son.
- The words, “Put your penis back in your pants,” or “Your penis needs to stay in your pants,” will come out of your mouth. Multiple Times.
(no picture needed)
- You can name each and every vehicle at a construction site. But don’t mix up your excavator and your backhoe loader because he will correct you.
- Instead of drawings of unicorns and rainbows to hang on your refrigerator you will get pictures of butts farting and guys fighting.
- You will catch yourself studying up on video games, Star Wars and baseball just so your son thinks you are cool.
- You have learned the ins and outs of the athletic cup. And some questions you might ask are: What direction does it need to go? How do you clean it? Do you need to clean it? What size cup does a seven-year old need? When the coach mentions wearing a cup to practice on the team group text, is it inappropriate to send funny texts or gifs in response?
Thanks for all the “support” coach!
- You curse the person who invented white baseball pants but you believe the inventor of SHOUT should win the Nobel Peace Prize.
- You don’t panic when you are at the park and your son yells, “I need to go pee!” because there are hundreds of bathroom options behind each bush, tree, or shrub.
15. When leaving the hospital, you understand why the nurses give you vaseline and gauze to take home with you and your newborn baby.
Well, to all the moms of boys out there, I salute you. There is no guide book that could prepare any woman for the challenge of raising these creatures but if it existed, there probably wouldn’t be any more children on this planet.
Do you have any additional qualities to add? Comment below so I don’t feel alone in this wild circus.
When my oldest son was in the 7th grade I asked him what he was doing. His response, “It like this mom. I will tell you what you need to know when you need to know it. Just like the military.” Clearly that didn’t work for me.